jokes

Two guys were sitting around talking one day. The
first guy said, "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change
me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the
night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she has
changed you so drastically, " remarked his friend.

The first guy replied, "No, I'm not bitter.
Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."


Jeeto complained to her friend Preeto

"She told me that you told her the secret I
told you not to tell her."

"Well," replied Preeto in a hurt tone,
"I told her not to tell you I told her."

"Oh dear!" sighed Jeeto. "Well,
don't tell her I told you that she told me."


A man was wandering around in a field, thinking
about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.

He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind
hearted?"

The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my
son."

"Why did you make her so good looking?"

"So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her such a good cook?"

"So you could love her, my son." The man thought
about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything,
but why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."


A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are
discussing all aspects of their future.

"What will you do if I die before you
do?" husband asked wife.

After some thought, she said, "I'd probably
look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who
might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her
age."

Then wife asked husband, "What will you do if
I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."


A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful
girl.

One day she told him that the next day was her
birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year
of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and
ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing
the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided
that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen
roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young
girl so angry with him.