POLITICIANS

 POLITICIANS EH !!!

 

While walking down the street one day a 'Member of Parliament' is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

 'Welcome to Heaven,'  says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you. '

'No problem, just let me in.' says the man.

‘Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

‘Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven says the MP.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a verdant and green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly round golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

‘Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity. '

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ' Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell. '

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

 

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.  What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday, we were campaigning........  Today you voted.'

Mother’s LOVE

Mother’s Love Is… by Mina Parker

A mother’s love is as big as a house, deep as an ocean, constant as the stars. A mother’s love is all encompassing, all knowing, and all forgiving. It is home. And yet, as big as it is, a mother’s love remembers all the details and knows the littlest things can be the most important—like how much chocolate in the milk, when to offer advice and when to be still, and just the right squeezing that makes the perfect hug. From the biggest moments down to the sweetest nothings, a mother’s heart stands at the ready to comfort, encourage, inspire, protect and, most of all, love.

Mother’s LOVE shows us the way.

Mother’s COURAGE can move mountains.

Mother’s WISDOM holds you close.

“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to
compassion and understanding.”~Erma Bombeck

About competition tomorrow.....interesting perspective...

Who sells the largest number of cameras in India?

Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not

cameras but cell phones.

 

Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sony's and Canons are taking note.

 

Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).

 

Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India. That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you   can't be farther from truth.    

Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smart-phone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is abigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or  emails?

 

The "Mahabharat" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or

a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question - "who is my competitor?"

 

Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It

says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart

ones get

the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."

 

In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor.

 

Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.    In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is video-conferencing and    telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT  executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters  to use video-conferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so,    that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. (India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to    the U.S.

They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post    recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton's law of  gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between  1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India. PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it    will surely  be RIP!

India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment) . Cricket season might push films out of the    market.

 

Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.

 

One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically  keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which    were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to  cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never  know in which bush your competitor is hiding!

 

On a lighter vein, who are the competitors for authors? Joke spewing machines? (Steve Wozniak, the co-founder of Apple, himself a Pole, tagged a Polish joke telling machine to a telephone much to the mirth of Silicon Valley). Or will the competition be story telling robots? Future is scary! The boss of an IT company once said something interesting about the animal called competition. He said "Have breakfast .or.. be breakfast"! That sums it up rather neatly. 

wake up my dear friends, let's be ready for tomorrow

TEST your vocabulary

TEST YOUR VOCABULARY:




FILL IN THE BLANKS

1. BOO_S ???

2. _ _ NDOM ???

3. F_ _K ???

4. P_N_S ???

5. PU_S_ ???

ANSWERS:

1. BOOKS

2. RANDOM

3. FORK

4. PANTS

5. PULSE

MAY GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND!

Inspire to Lead

“Closing Thoughts” from Inspired to Lead

Leadership is not a top-down impulse but rather a bottom-up impact. The greatest leaders in history have not been dictators but rather directors – leadership maestros who used their gifts of vision, values and purpose to orchestrate actions that served a cause greater than themselves.

Giving orders is not leadership. Giving hope is. Leaders who serve the interests of those they lead earn far more than the obedience of their followers, they earn their respect.

Are you an inspired leader? It is good to reflect on how well we are living up to our own leadership challenges. How well are you serving your team and your organization? When was the last time you asked the people you lead how well you are meeting their professional needs? When was the last time that you took a few minutes to sit with each of your team members and asked them what you can do better to help them be more effective or more satisfied in their work? Have you ever asked your colleagues how you can inspire them to excel? Go ahead, ask the questions and do not fear the answers.

Inspired leadership is not about weak and strong; it’s about right and wrong. It’s about doing things the right way, for the right reasons and using your position of power, trust and influence to serve. Serve as a facilitator to get things done. Serve as a mentor to grow your team members. Ultimately, the most inspired leaders serve as an example to others that the pinnacle of leadership is reached when you care more about others standing atop the summit than you do about your own view.

Amazing Cucumber

Very useful......if true, tried and tested! Grateful for any feedback on the veracity of the claims made in this article.

 

 

                                                                            
 

The Amazing Cucumber This information was in The New York Times several weeks ago as part of their "Spotlight on the Home" series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to solve common problems.   1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc. 2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber.  Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours. 3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower?  Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance. 4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds?  Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long.  The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area. 5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool?  Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite.  Works great on wrinkles too!!! 6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?  Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!! 7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation. 8.. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes?  Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water. 9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?  Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone! 10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa?  Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams. 11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints?  Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath. 12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?  Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm your fingers or fingernails while you clean. 13. Using a pen and made a mistake?  Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

The sprite ad

The old killer ad showed one fatso wooing a lady and watching over her dog 'killer' while the cool dude drinking sprite walks in taking the girl's hand and letting down his buddy to be the watch dog literally.
The second part shows the same two guys reasoning with African cannibals.  The fatso dances and gets the boot while the cool guy shares sprite with the cannibal leader and goes scot free? with two wonderful Indian looking Girls!!!  From where did our girls end up in Africa, that too among cannibals???  Surely the ad people could have shown some real afro girls instead of replicating with gorgeous Indian babes. 
Do not look into the matter seriously, as the bush man accepts sprite and spirit of the youngster.  If you drink sprite even the cannibals will do you no harm!!!

The Ford Figo ad

The all new ford figo was launched at last in India.  The ad is simply excellent.  They are exclusively focusing on the new Blue and me Audio system.  When I bought the Ford Fusion, it came with stereo mp3 fitment as standard accessory.  When I inquired about the pen drive option, the dealer was stymied!!!  The answer was to either buy the same outside or be satisfied with standard mp3 fitment which comes as an compliment.  No other options will be entertained if i fore go on the standard mp3 fitment.  Now this figo comes with all the whistles in audio, I am wondering whether the option will be provided on all the variants.  I once saw an Ford Fiesta petrol car with Rs.35,000/- worth 2DIn audio fitment as a free accessory, no pen drive option of course.  The figo looks like an hatch back version of fiesta and has the front of the fusion.  I consider it as a marriage of two cousins and the birth of an whiz kid.

The sun direct HD ad

This new ad focuses on the aspect of high definition viewing. Nowadays every body has got an LCD, the less fortunate ones 'the kalaignar tv'. So, why not try the high definition offered by sun direct. Even tatasky only offers Tatasky+  not high definition mind you. In the near future all CPU's will be connected to LCD's via HDMI. The cable operator has to bow out.  He will operate among the masses who have kalaignar tv and are not worried about channel reception and quality and of course low operator charges.  If this facility is available why not try it at the earliest?  The ad is simply fantastic with the bored and frustrated wife asking her husband to get up and help her.  Upon seeing the telly she is dumb struck, awed and delighted.  So, what is the purpose in having an LCD without an high definition DTH?

Once upon a time

                       Once Upon A Time...!                                         Once Upon A Time Leadership Mattered,   
Now, Dealership Rules The World.

Once Upon A Time Quality  Was Craftsman's Pride,    Now, It Is A Departmental Mess.

Once Upon A Time A Mouse Was An Untouchable Mammal, Now, It Is Handheld Pest.
Once Upon A Time Wisdom  Was Cultivated By Wise People,   Now, It Is Flashed On T-Shirts.
Once Upon A Time Teacher Taught  And Student  Learnt,    Now, Teacher Trade And Students Consume.
Once Upon A Time Population Was A Problem,  Now, It Is A Flourishing Mass Market.
Once Upon A Time Competition Brought Out The Best, Now, It Brings Out The Worst In People.
Once Upon A Time There Was A Golden Rule,   Now, If You Have Gold, You Rule.
Once Upon A Time Truth Telling Was Good For Your Soul, Now, It Is Bad For Promotion.
Once Upon A Time Success Meant  Living By Ideals, Now, It Is About Using Above All Principles.
Once Upon A Time Beauty Was In The Eye Of The Beholder,   

Garmin nuvi

  Find your way around with this apparition.  Use it in your car to reach your destinations faster and easier!!!!

cyber baby

Little boy -
"Dad how was I born?"
Dad - Well, son your mom and I got together at "yahoo", we set up a date via 'e-mail'  and met in a "cyber cafe".
Your mom agreed to "download" data from my "pen drive". Just when I was about to "transfer", we realized that none of us had "installed" a "firewall".  It was too late to hit "Delete".
Nine months later a "pop up window" appeared saying "You have got a Male"....

Nityananda by day

Subject: Fw: Verrrrrrrrry Interesting - 2 liner sleaze on Nityananda

Tamils were considered boring & monotonous until the Swami Nithyananda tapes appeared on Sun TV. Thanks to his lusty dalliances, Tamils are now on the international league, behind only the French ,perhaps. I thought this Swami was clean, but apparently he led a double-life. As the French say, "tojours l'amour" ! 

Deccan Chronicle published a collection of 2-liners yesterday which summed it all up:

• Discourse by day/ Intercourse by night
• Healing the masses by day/ Feeling the masses by night
• Sandal wood (chandan) by day/ Tiger Woods by night
• Missionary by day/ Missionary (ahem!) by night
• Spiritual by day/ Spirited by night
• Pujari by day/ Tiwari (ND) by night
• Baba by day/ Black sheep by night
• Bead-ing by day/ Bedding by night
• Swamy by day/ Slimy by night
• Renounce by day/ Pounce by night
• Lecture by day/ Lecher by night
• Din mei jogi/ Raat mei bhogi
• Nityananda by day/ Nitya nanga by night

What a charmed life!

Polar Bear Attack = Not for the faint hearted or those who are easily scared

Below are pictures of an actual polar bear attack of a hiker near

Moosenee, Canada last summer.

The pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing
to stop the attack.

Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim should make a
full recovery.

  IF YOU'RE FURIOUS WITH ME NOW, I SUGGEST LAUGHTER THERAPY.

In the line of fire

TO MY FRIENDS IN SOFTWARE FIELD, PLEASE DO NOT CONSIDER IT AS  TO DEGRADE YOUR HARD WORK AND EFFORTS. IT IS JUST A CO INCIDENCE THAT THIS ACTUAL CONVERSATION HAPPENED WITH A SOFTWARE ENGINEER….

 

 

A touching story indeed….

 

A real story ...A gossip between a passenger and Software Engineer in

Shatabdi Train ...........An interesting and a must read!

Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man.. Even the plush comfort of the air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought; he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!!

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

'Are you from the software industry sir?' the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

'You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir.

Today everything is getting computerized.'

'Thanks,' smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a sportsman..... He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

'You people always amaze me,' the man continued, 'You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside.'

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger.

'It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.'

For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. 'It is complex, very complex.'

'It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,' came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone.

'Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office, does not mean our brows do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing.'

He could see, he had the man where he wanted, and it was time to drive home the point.

'Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?'

The man was awestruck; quite like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination.

'You design and code such things?'

'I used to,' Vivek paused for effect, 'but now I am the Project Manager.'

'Oh!' sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over,

'so your life is easy now.'

This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, 'Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality.

To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end, always changing his requirements, the user at the other, wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.'

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-realization. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.

'My friend,' he concluded triumphantly, 'you don't know what it is to be in the Line of Fire'.

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.

'I know sir,..... I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire......'

He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

'There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tri-colour at the top only 4 of us were alive.'

'You are a...?'

'I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment, but, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier?

On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.

He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded... ....his own personal safety came last, always and every time.'

'He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker. Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir....I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.'

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop.

It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.

The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

'It was nice meeting you sir.'

Vivek fumbled with the handshake.

This hand... had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tri-colour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute....

It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

 

PS: The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, the nation's highest military award.